Do your children follow your instructions the first time you ask them to? If not, you may need to continue reading. When you and your children have mutual respect, they will actually listen. They will pay attention to you if they believe you mean what you say.
What Is Respect
You are at a restaurant. A woman sitting at the next table snapped her fingers and yelled at the waiter,
“Hey, you brought the wrong dish. Why are you not listening? Now go and get me the right dish. NOW.”
What would you think of this person?
I don’t know about you, but I would think that she’s being very rude and disrespectful. Why does she think that she has the right to talk down to him like that?
Most people I know would not do such a thing to others, whether it’s their friends or someone they don’t know. However, some of them feel completely entitled to talk to their children that way. A mother would snap at her son,
“Hey, I told you not to do this. Why are you not listening? Go and take a time-out. NOW.”
See the irony in these two examples? Why is there such a big difference in how we treat others compared to how we treat our children?
Here are ten suggestions for getting your children to appreciate and listen to you.
1. Show Mutual Respect
You can get youngsters to pay attention if you demand authority and rule with an iron fist, but at what cost? You can scream and yell your children into submission, but at what cost? In the long run, the penalty will be your connection with your child, since resentments will grow.
It would be difficult to convince your children to listen to you if you do not respect them. They may obey, but if you act like a tyrant who expects children to do what you say simply because you are in charge, you are fighting a losing war.
Respect must be the foundation of your connection. Any relationship, including the parent-child relationship, is built on mutual respect.
2. Avoid Yelling
When screaming and power are the dominant themes in the relationship, the youngster will develop resentment. Nobody wants to be controlled or to believe that they are less valuable than another individual.
Respectful conversations will show your youngster that you value them. You are still the parent, but via courteous engagement, you can parent and get your children to listen.
You are damaging your bond with the child when you employ demanding, authoritarian parenting tactics, and resentments are likely to grow. To acquire your child’s respect, avoid yelling. You are diminishing your ability if you resort to yelling, screaming, and making demands.
3. Use the Golden Rule
The golden rule underpins respect:
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
You must treat your child with respect if you want them to respect you. This entails speaking to your child in a nice, honest, and attentive manner.
Granted, this is difficult when your four-year-old is screaming in aisle 5 of the grocery store and you have a long list of errands to do, work to complete, and no spare time. Parenting without yelling and heightened emotions take work.
We’re still people, and we get angry at our children. However, we must remember that they are still learning and that we have considerably more years of experience in these areas. When you’re having a horrible day and want to cry, how do you want to be talked to?
That is how you should approach your youngster who is experiencing a meltdown and is clearly upset. When kindness, love, and respect are combined with authority, your child will learn to respect and listen to you. Treat them the way you would like to be treated.
4. Ensure that Your Words Have Consequences
The golden rule underpins respect: treat people the way you want to be treated. You must treat your child with respect if you want them to respect you. This entails speaking to your child in a nice, honest, and attentive manner.
Granted, this is difficult when your four-year-old is screaming in aisle 5 of the grocery store and you have a long list of errands to do, work to complete, and no spare time. Parenting without yelling and heightened emotions take work.
We’re still people, and we get angry at our children. However, we must remember that they are still learning and that we have considerably more years of experience in these areas. If you beg your child to stop striking the couch as you type an article for Lifehack and they continue to do so, tell them that if they don’t stop, they will receive a five-minute time-out.
This is a true tale that occurred recently. He came to a halt. Why did he come to a halt? He knew I meant what I said because he knew I was serious. If he didn’t stop, he knew he’d get a time out right away, not another warning, and more time to continue with the conduct I requested him to cease.
I asked, calmly, while staring him in the eyes and signaling that I was serious. He also understands that I mean what I say because he is now seven years old and has been subjected to constant punishments for many years.
5. Avoid Big Threats
I’ve seen parents threaten their children with serious consequences, believing that the more serious the threat, the more likely the child will quit acting out. This isn’t reasonable, and it’s certainly not a good idea. When you make big threats but don’t follow through, your words become worthless.
For example, it would have been unfair of me to threaten to toss away my son’s toys if he didn’t stop hitting the couch. It’s absurd to throw away items that cost a little money as a result of a little transgression (hitting the couch while typing). What would I do if he kept striking the couch? It would be absurd to expect the toys to be thrown away.
By expressing realistic penalties and following thru the first time, the escalation may have been averted. Time-outs, as well as the removal of a toy or a privilege, are all acceptable punishments. As a result, I frequently take away my children’s tablet time or impose five-minute time-outs.
I try to avoid making major threats that I won’t be able to carry out with good conscience. It benefits me in the long term because when I give acceptable consequences, I can simply carry out the punishment at the time without feeling bad.
Make no large threats that you won’t be able to carry out in good conscience. Instead, issue warnings and make sure the punishment is appropriate for the behavior.
6. Follow Through
The “one ask approach” is a parenting method in which a parent immediately implements their consequences. A parent just asks their child to do anything once in this manner. If kids refuse to comply, the parent will impose a punishment.
If you ask your child to put their dishes in the sink but they do not get up and begin doing so, the parent might inform the child of the consequences if they do not comply with the request.
They will lose half an hour of television time if they do not put their dishes away. They don’t get three or even two warnings. All that is given is a single warning. If they do not obey the directions, they will be punished.
If the child does not put their dishes away after the warning, the parent will follow thru and say, “I am sorry, but you have now lost half of your TV time for tonight.”
The parent should therefore refrain from allowing the youngster to watch television and instead encourage him or her to read books or play outside. This method will assist you in being a consistent parent.
7. Give Them Your Full Attention
Look your youngster in the eyes and give them your undivided attention when chatting with them. This method is far more effective than distracted, half attention in persuading your youngster to listen.
For example, if a parent is playing a game on their phone and yells across the room for their child to go complete their homework, the engagement is less important than if the request is made face-to-face.
It is much more likely to be fruitful if the parent puts down their phone and walks up to their child, looking in their eyes and saying, “It is time to stop watching TV for now and do your homework; you can watch after your homework is finished.”
Giving your child your undivided attention through eye contact and face-to-face conversations demonstrates that you are concerned and serious about what you are saying. This will go a long way toward getting your youngster to listen to you and respond to your words.
8. Show Genuine Care
To any child, demonstrating that you care is extremely important. Your child needs to know that you are concerned about their well-being. You show that you care through your words, deeds, and tone of voice. Show your concern if you care.
For example, yelling at my kids and telling them, “You know it’s time for supper, you should have set the table five minutes ago,” will not be as effective as making a kind message. “You do a fantastic job arranging the dinner table,” for example, may be a kind phrase.
It’s wonderful to work together, with me preparing the meal and you setting the table so that we can spend quality time together every night. “Could you perhaps prepare the table for dinner in the next twenty minutes?”
Showing that you care will help you create a strong bond with your child, and your child will be more likely to listen and respect you. Your regular interactions will demonstrate that you actually care about your child through your words and actions.
9. Show Them That You Value Them
Giving your child your undivided attention teaches them that you care about them and that they are important to you. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Our children should always know how much we care about them.
The following are some examples of how you can pay attention to your child and show that they are valued:
- Give your child praise.
- Hugs and other physical affections are appropriate.
- Show that you’re interested in what they’re doing.
- When speaking with them, get down on their level. While interacting, make eye contact and smile.
- In your regular dealings, give positive remarks.
- Assist them in carrying out their everyday responsibilities (i.e., help your child tie their shoes and teach them at the same time as they are learning this task).
- Positive reinforcement is important for your child’s development.
- When your child is afraid, reassure them.
- When your child is upset, give them your support.
- Make time every day to spend one-on-one time with your youngster.
- Every time your child speaks to you, respond (do not ignore them).
- Inquire about your child’s day using thoughtful, open-ended inquiries.
According to the article, “Positive Attention and Your Child,”
“From birth, children need experiences and relationships that show them they’re valued, capable human beings who bring pleasure to others. Positive attention, reactions, and responses from key grown-ups help children build a picture of how valued they are.”
10. Be a good role model.
You must also be a good role model deserving of respect if you want your children to listen to you and respect you. Children observe their parents and caregivers and copy their actions.
For example, if you continually oppose people in positions of power and refuse to respect regulations or laws, your child is watching and learning from you.
They will learn that authority persons do not have to be listened to or respected. By your own actions and modeling, set an example that teaches your child to listen and respect others.
The Bottom Line
Treating children with respect and enforcing penalties are the most effective ways to educate them to listen to and respect you. Your words must have weight, and this can only be achieved if you are consistent in your actions.
It’s critical to treat your child with love, respect, care, and compassion in order to foster a relationship in which they want to listen to you and appreciate you mutually.